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Saturday, June 14, 2014

Online Dating Round 2

I put this as one of my Tinder profile pictures.
I think it helped people see the real me.
Yep, you read me right. I tried it again.

Tinder
eHarmony
LDS Planet

Ok, so let's be honest here. I only briefly looked at LDS Planet, and eHarmony was a three day free trial thing and I got freaked out by both and gave up.

But Tinder...it's so shallow you just wade right in.

Tinder for dummies: Download the app on your mobile device. Log in through your Facebook account. Post a picture or two or three. Set a geographic area and an age range you want to search. The app searches for those who match these two requirements and pulls up their picture. You look at it. If you think they look nice/handsome/smart/wildly rich, swipe to the right. If not, swipe to the left. Pretty simple. They do the same for your pic/profile.

You can wade in about 2 inches deeper and see if you have any common friends or interests (based off Facebook). And if they write anything witty in their short profile, you can read it. And you can view a few more pictures.

But really, it's still shallow. I am not a very good swimmer though, and slightly afraid of the deep end, so I (*hang my head in shame*) liked it. It's a great time-killer and a fun game to play. It's useful when you're waiting somewhere like at the doctor's office, or in the grocery store line or while you're waiting for your date to pick you up. You see how fast you can swipe left to 100 people. Or some nights when you're home all alone, you see how long it takes you to actually swipe right to someone.

Well, if you swipe right and the person swipes right, "It's a match!" and suddenly you can chat with each other and say witty things like, "Hi" and "How is your day going?"

The great thing about it is that the only people who can contact you are those you also wanted to contact. Two-way agreement. Nice. Screens out the 50-year-olds who dedicate their profile to you (see My Foray Into Online Dating).

On Tinder, it's super easy to screen out the crazies...LDS style.

Swipe left for:

  • gym selfies (yes, I realize the app is based on superficial things like looks, but I'm looking on the heart, buddy)
  • shirtless selfies (see: gym selfies)
  • shirtless anything (unless it's some sort of swimming party, but really?)
  • selfie anything (jk, I can bend on this one)
  • untrimmed beards (or any really. I'm not much of a beard fan, but I realize there have been good people in the past who have had beards...like Moses... and Wilford Woodruff...and my dad in his early 20s until he married my mom, so maybe I could bend here too)
  • bro-tanks (I didn't realize they were such a thing)
  • pictures of tattoos (why?)
  • drinking and smoking pictures (ain't nobody got time for that)
  • pictures of a guy with a mystery face girl next to him with a caption that says "This could be you". (seriously, it's a real profile)
  • pictures of a guy with his arm around a hot girl (what the heck is he on Tinder for if he has a girlfriend?)
  • pictures of a guy's wedding (um....?)

Swipe right for:

  • LDS
  • Clean cut
  • pictures with his mom (awwww)
  • pictures in a suit (seriously, guys just don't know how good they look in a nice suit)
  • pictures being moderately outdoorsy but not crazy outdoorsy
  • pictures in a BYU shirt/hat/anything (Go cougs!)
  • pictures rescuing baby ducks
  • pictures of him playing the piano in Carnegie Hall
  • pictures where he looks like Mr. Darcy
  • ok, ok seriously,
  • pictures where he just looks like a genuine good-guy
You get the gist.

I downloaded Tinder on a day of weakness. I was peer pressured into it. Several people had told me that I ought to give it a shot (since, really, nothing else was working). So on a lunch break, my friend sat by my side and helped me create my account. Tender Tinder moments. #tinderiffic

And I began to swipe.

I began to match with people.

And shockingly, I began to chat with people.

My first Tinder date was a lunch date. I hastily told my roommate a bit before that I was going on a Tinder date and that if I didn't come back or contact her in an hour and a half that I was probably dead and she should call the police.

The dude and I had chatted for just a few days on the Tinder app. He seemed to be a normal-type person, but you just never know.

We met up at the restaurant and I congratulated myself on a job well done when he indeed looked like his profile picture. Within 10 minutes of meeting up with each other, we established about 10 different connections. I had gone on a date with one of his old roommates. I had worked with his old branch president. My friend was dating his roommate. And two friends had tried to set me up with his other roommate, who I had messaged to get to know and who had (rudely, in my opinion) never messaged me back (I'm not a creeper even if my actions seem like I am, ok?). By that time, I knew the guy was a legit "good guy", but I was freaked out enough about our connections that although our date was good, I was convinced he would never ask me out again.

But he did. And we actually dated for a while until everything crashed and burned and ended in a pile of hopeless rubble, which is really the only exciting way to end a relationship. All jokes aside, he was a good, upstanding guy. Who I hope doesn't read my blog anymore.

Before and after we dated, I went out with a few other Tinder guys as well. Again, good, upstanding guys. Really great guys in fact. So great that I wondered why they were on Tinder, but then I remembered that I was also on Tinder, and I'm pretty cool, right? So cool people are on Tinder, right?

Anyway, all the roommates and half my friends at some point have played the game. Some have gone out with some real doozies and some have gone out with some winners. Some have married or are getting married to their Tinder dates. #tinderella #tindermagic

A bit ago, I matched with a seemingly normal guy. He messaged me and said, "Let's get the most important thing out of the way, what is your favorite sushi?"

I responded, "Haha, I've only ever had sushi twice, so I couldn't really tell you."

"Ok, what other food do you like?"

"Pretty much anything...although seafood is my least favorite, so that might explain the lack of sushi knowledge."

The next day, he blocked me from his account.

Geez, sorry about the sushi, man.

After a series of those kind of conversations, I gradually played the swipe game less and less until one day at lunch, I sat with my friends, and ceremoniously deleted the app.

Online dating: 2
Liz: 0

I've heard third time's the charm. Stay tuned.

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